I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
