We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
