so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
