New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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