is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
