I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
