My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
