Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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