Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
