But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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