I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
