Only a mothe r could love this liver
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's rum buckets o'clock
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
