Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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