Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
