brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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