when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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