During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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