Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
