I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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