I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have aggressive nipples.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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