HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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