i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
