She announced her abortion via fbk
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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