he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize