Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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