If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
