AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
