I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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