i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
