Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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