his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
