Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
