Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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