remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
