I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
