I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize