I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
