dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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