Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
