I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This baby is an asshole
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
