you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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