guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
