my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize