The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
