Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
