no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
