Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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