Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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