Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
