To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
