allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
