Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
