false alarm. still invincible.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
