The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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