I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize