Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Floor bacon is actually really good
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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