Can i not drive my cunt home
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
