things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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