What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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