Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize