He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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