Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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