Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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