I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
