Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
