she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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