I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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