Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
