Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
