Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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