Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
