Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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