don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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