I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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