You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
