all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
