Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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