omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I smell like Dick and happiness
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
