dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
