Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
