the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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