I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
