I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
