I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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